I know the world is spinning on its axis as it should; people are going about their daily lives, as if things are normal. I myself am stuck in an alternate universe all on my own.
Everywhere, folks are busy living… I am stuck in my head.
Right after 45 was elected I saw Ani Difranco in concert and she said, half jokingly that she was going to have to start doing matinees. By the afternoon, she was done for the day. She’s describing exactly where I’m at. If I have to be “ON,” I only last a few hours before reality comes crashing back to me. When I’m really low, I pull out this tune which she sang that night…
I find that I am ok to function in the morning, but by the last matinee, I’m done for. I’m digging deep at this point because I can’t let my fear paralyze me between now and July 21. I’m trying to make sure I get the most important things done earlier than I used to, otherwise it just doesn’t happen.
As usual my fur kiddos provide more comfort that a person could possibly need under normal circumstances ❤
So I’ve got music and animal therapy, why am I not feeling better? Because no matter how I try to distract myself, it’s always there, in the back of my mind. Entering the courtroom; being in the same room with the predator who took my childhood from me. Folks keep telling me “He’s old, there’s nothing he can do to you” it doesn’t help a bit. The knowledge that I’m going to have to be in the same space as him makes me physically ill. I’m pretty good at not hyper focusing on this one fact but it does lurk close by, I can almost feel it…
Thinking about it for too long is the last thing I want to do, so I will sign off with a little Sia and tell myself she’s right!