So the trial has been postponed, AGAIN! We’ve never gotten this close to the date, so I was caught by surprise AGAIN! They won’t even give me a time frame. I was simply told it was cancelled until further notice. A little bit of back story…

Over a year ago I received a notification stating that I was required to release all my mental health records to the court. I had no idea this would happen and was very confused. My therapist explained this is a tactic used by the defense to intimidate the victims in a case of this nature. Her advice was to contact the advocate and let her know this was unacceptable.

Imagine my shock, when I learned that the request actually came from the prosecution! The advocate was just as surprised saying she’s never seen this happen. A letter of outrage from my Therapist and a few major mistakes later, the prosecutor was fired.

Skip ahead six months and a new prosecutor called to personally assure me that things would be different going forward. She said all the right things, and before you know it, I was back on board.

One thing that didn’t sit right was the fact that they were going ahead and petitioning the court to release our mental health records. She posed it in such a way so as to make it appear to be in my best interest. She said she wanted the judge to take notice that the prosecution was willing to work with them. So reluctantly I signed the papers that would release any and all mental health records for what is known as an In Camera Review.

An In Camera Review means only the judge can see the records and can only share exculpatory evidence. An example of that would be if I had ever said that I was not, in fact raped. Or if I was diagnosed as a compulsive liar. I knew they would not find anything of that nature so I signed off again. A piece of my heart broke, though. It was another huge violation.
Skip to last week. I got the call from my advocate saying the trial is off again. At that point I didn’t even care why, so I didn’t ask. She offered no explanation. As the days went by and my brain adjusted to this new reality, I began to wonder …

I called the victims advocate yesterday to ask the reason for yet another delay. Her texted response was “they have not received all the medical records requested.” It literally did not compute at first. So the trial has been put off indefinitely because they haven’t done a good job of collecting records they should never have asked for in the first place? Are you shitting me? For real?

I’m not one to feel sorry for myself for too long. If I have a pity party, I try to keep it short. But I’m … I don’t know, I can’t describe what I’m feeling. It really is indescribable. One thing I do know, is I smell a rat.

This perpetrator was the only Doctor in a small town, is very well connected, and has been treated with kid gloves because he’s old. I see bias in the news coverage and politics at the state attorneys office. Are they just stringing us along til he dies? Seriously, my best interests, and those of all the other victims, are clearly not a priority.

So I sit here this morning trying to channel my anger. But anger isn’t the most accurate word for what I’m feeling… I’m not sure there is one. And there’s no one involved with the trial I can turn to, no one who will give me a straight answer.

As usual, I’m trying to find a way to wrap things up nice and pretty. I just can’t because I’ve been left hanging yet again.


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