So it turns out all is not lost, like for real! I got a call from the county attorney’s office two days ago. As usual I was anxious about what they wanted and ignored the call. Yesterday, however I decided I’d speak to them. I made plans to conference with the prosecutor and the victim’s advocate.
I won’t leave you hanging… he is interested in a plea deal. That’s right, he’s willing to plead guilty. I was pretty unemotional about the news as they laid it all out. We spent 20 minutes or so going over what I would need in order to say yes, and was told they would make it work.
Needless to say, I was in shock. It literally didn’t compute. I was keyed up after the call, I couldn’t pull it all apart and get clarity on what this means for me. Hours later I was telling a friend and the reality of it smacked me hard in the face.
HE’s admitting guilt! It’s like the world shifted on its axis. I went from being a sexual assault survivor fighting to get some justice in a system that is fundamentally broken, to an admission of guilt!
I’m still shaking my head to try to make sense of it all, but this really is the best possible outcome. A guilty verdict is a great thing, but this feels better to me. Its validation from the source. It’s ownership of his crimes, at least part of them. No more wondering if I’m believed or not. But almost as importantly, it can be over… forever.
Nothing is set in stone, and the deal isn’t perfect, but it’s something I can live with. The parts that matter most are included. I have to hurry up and wait again while they wrap this all up. Even still, I feel like I woke up in a whole new world this morning. Wow, just wow.
It’s funny that I didn’t really internalize the information ’til I heard myself saying out loud to my friend last night. All of a sudden I was more excited than a kid at Christmas! She said the news was a real pick-me-up for her too. So that’s why I’m writing this now, before the kinks are worked out and everything is set in stone. There’s such a lack of good news out there these days.. I thought I’d share mine❤️